Your Child and Parenting Time
At what age can my child decide if he or she wants to spend time with the other parent?
Children who are under 18 cannot decide what the parenting time schedule should be. However, as they mature the court will take their opinions into consideration in deciding what the parenting time schedule should be.
What do I tell my child when the other parent doesn't show up, doesn't call, or doesn't remember birthdays or holidays?
You may say something such as "It's not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you – any parent would be lucky to have you, and I am." Don't make promises or criticize the other parent. Don't blame the child or yourself.
My child does not want to engage in parenting time with the other parent. What can I do?
Parents must obey court orders, regardless of the child's desires. It is the parent's responsibility to promote a positive relationship between the child and the other parent. You may want to try the following options:
- Work out a different arrangement with the other parent.
- Seek individual counseling for you or your child or joint counseling with you and the other parent.
- Contact the friend of the court and request mediation.
- File a motion with the court asking for a change in your parenting time order.
I am concerned that my child is being abused when he or she is with the other parent. What should I do?
Report your concerns to the Protective Services Unit of the Family Independence Agency. You may also provide your friend of the court office with a written copy of your concerns and ask that it be placed in the friend of the court file. The friend of the court office, however, does not have the authority to investigate abuse or neglect matters and remove children from their home. This is done by Protective Services and the court.
The other parent refuses to see our children. What can the friend of the court do?
The friend of the court cannot force a parent to engage in parenting time with his/her children. It is each parent's duty to promote a positive relationship between the children and the other parent. Your options include: counseling, mediation, and filing a motion for change of the parenting time order.
Do I have to send my child for parenting time…
As a parent, you must always exercise your best judgment and act in your child's best interests. No one can give you advance permission to disobey a parenting time order. If you disobey the order, you could be found in contempt of court unless the judge finds later that you had an acceptable reason for not complying with the order.
You may have a good reason on a particular day, but you cannot deny parenting time repeatedly. You have a duty to obey the order. If the same problem arises often, you have a duty to take immediate steps to change the order to make certain that the parenting time provisions address the concerns or allow you to make other parenting time arrangements. And if you don’t do that, even if you have been reasonable, you may be found in contempt of court. For more information, see When Parenting Time Should Not Occur.
The other parent won’t let me know where they’ll be or how to contact them during parenting time. What can I do?
Unless your court order states that the parent must provide this information, it’s not required. Try to communicate with the other parent and work it out yourselves or pursue methods of resolution such as friend of the court mediation. You can also make a motion to modify the court order to require that the other parent provide contact information.
The other parent is not sending or returning clothing or other personal items for our child. Is there anything the friend of the court can do?
The friend of the court enforces the written order of the court. If your court order does not address clothing and/or other personal items, try to work it out with the other parent directly or through means such as friend of the court mediation. If that is unsuccessful, you may file a motion with the court requesting an order that spells out when and how clothing and other personal items must be sent and returned.
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